There wasn’t much out of the ordinary in my upbringing.  Solid, middle-class home life with good parents and a church-based education in primary school and high school.  There was no violence (physical or emotional), good relations, and no rebellious tendencies in me.  Inside the religious trappings in church and in the church-based school were values which I adopted.  At a very young age I sensed that honesty was a good policy, and that generosity made life better for everyone.  Without thinking I adopted those practices.

But there was another part of that same upbringing that showcased alcoholic drinking.  Although drunken behavior was not tolerated (though it most certainly DID appear at times), alcohol consumption was allowed and accepted, you might even say “expected.”  In my family, and in the wider social circles in which my family moved, drinking was present in almost every type of situation where people got together.  It was consumed in church as part of the ceremonies—the weekly German club gatherings my grandfather presided over were held in the meeting hall in the back of a tavern–school functions in which food was consumed were always BYOB–when I entered high school (literally through the back door by the dumpster!) I remember the garbage bags full of empty beer, wine, and liquor bottles which rested behind the residence where the religious teachers lived. I was brought up in an extended family setting and when mother, father, grandmother and grandfather, and the rest of the German-bred brood gathered to eat the daily, evening meal, Grandfather always had beer with his meal by the quart and there was a generous supply of cases of quarts cooling in the basement.

To this day I cannot say who was or was not an alcoholic in the family.  Whether they were or not is not my concern.  What I did see was that everyone drank, and some drank more than others and more often too. The fact of the matter was that alcohol was present at every family gathering and the book at those gatherings that was consulted (and annotated) was not the Good Book but the Bartender’s Guide!

My mother died early in my sobriety, and I will always remember the smell of alcohol on the breath of many who came to mourn her, family and friends alike.  As I look back now it is clear I was raised in an environment in which an alcoholic could easily find and feed his habit.

When I entered high-school I found that some of my fellow classmates shared my interest in alcohol and the athletes I ran with were even more inclined to be drinkers, especially beer drinkers.  And I knew something about drinking beer!  By my third year of high school there would be after school gatherings in somebody’s house where we would raid the home alcohol ladder.  By senior year members of the groups, I frequented had obtained fake ids and made friends with the older drinking crowd.  With a little effort alcohol was readily available and I partook readily.

Alcohol changed the way I saw myself and my surroundings.  It swept away my inhibitions and gave me a false sense of freedom.  I began to believe that it made me a better person.  I began to believe I was better at doing things when high.  I was a better basketball player, I could drive with more skill, I was more creative in my thinking, and perhaps most important of all, it helped me to better understand and relate to people.  This was the illusion that I began chasing.  That illusion would eventually lead me to be physically addicted to alcohol.

I drank when I could through my college years.  Upon graduating, I married.  It became routine to have “a beer” at the end of the day and in a few years “a beer” which was now a six pack would be “supplemented” with hard liquor which was consumed by the half pint after work on the ride home and snuck from the family liquor cabinet.  I lived all the sneaking drinks cliches by watering the booze, refilling the bottles with water, hiding empties, and all the rest.

In time I resorted to spending money to support my habit that should have been spent for the good of the family.  I resorted to raiding my kids’ piggy banks, stealing from the wife’s purse, and skimming from petty cash at work.  Slowly, honesty and good work, care for other people, had been pushed aside to make room for alcohol.  The disease of alcoholism is chronic and progressive, and my life was evidence of that.  I had become an almost daily drinker and a petty thief and liar.

Sometime in my early thirties, I began drinking on a daily basis.  In the last year and a half of my drinking, in the time between the death of my wife (which removed all constraints from me feeding my addiction) and my turn to sobriety at age 42, I was drinking a bottle of champagne for breakfast based upon the premise that it was healthy for me because it was fruit based.  I believe now that I really believed that champagne for breakfast was healthy for me.

I was inebriated that entire year and a half.  This self-deception was one form of the “bad thinking” I was to learn about in AA meetings.  It took me many years in recovery to realize that the thinking (bad) preceded and led to the drinking (bad).  For the longest time I couldn’t understand the bad thinking caused my problems (bad thinking doesn’t cause liver damage—alcohol does!) Until one day it dawned on me that most days when perfectly free from alcohol, I decided that it was a good idea to have a drink!

Even the term “denial” doesn’t best describe my whole approach toward alcohol consumption.  Whatever might get in the way between me and alcohol had to be removed or somehow dealt with.  Sometimes it was simply ignoring the words or actions of someone.  Sometimes it would be a deception or side fake to divert from the drinking.  Sometimes it was outright lies.  In the end, in full-fledged allegiance to my alcoholism, I had effectively cut myself off from family and friends.  The sole object of my bad thinking was myself and the consumption of alcohol.

As I got to my bottom, I quit a perfectly good job for no other reason than it got in the way of my drinking.  By this time, I had to drink to keep from having withdrawal symptoms.  There were times when I had to pull the car over to the side of the road to vomit because I had no alcohol to drink.  I remember one morning when a neighbor’s young son was sitting with me at my kitchen table, and he asked why my hands were shaking so badly.  I needed a drink or two to allow me to write. 

There were no dramatic events in my life that could be attributed to my alcoholism—no DUIs, no drunken brawls.   During my whole drinking career, I kept in mind what I had learned being brought up, –you drank but you stayed out of trouble.  This was just more bad thinking.  The reality was that I was slowly wearing out my body, my mind, and spirit in a slow descent into a physical hell.  My alcoholic state of mind allowed no hope, no possible solution, not even the consideration of hope or help because alcohol took precedence and pushed everything else to the side.

My alcoholism was evident to many around me including my wife, my mother, and other family members and friends.  My family members were beginning to see alcohol differently.  I remember my mother speaking glowingly about one of the German club members who was able to get sober.  I know now that her comments were directed at me.  The family over time still had the booze around but was beginning to moderate and some were taking a critical view of it.  My grandfather and father had passed away and there were other heavy drinkers who were no longer there.  Drinking had become a lonely business for me.

In the last months before leaving alcohol, my body, my liver in particular, was not working correctly.  I was getting bruises all over my body not from falls or other impact but from simply having a constant pressure in that area.  I would wake up after sleeping on a pillow and would have huge bruises where my body had rested on the pillow.

Within weeks of quitting the job, as my physical condition quickly deteriorated, a group of family and friends came to my house to persuade me to go into treatment.  It was about noon and to this day I couldn’t tell you how that came about.  They explained that they had a place I could go to be treated for my excessive drinking and one of the group, a doctor, a friend and AA member, offered me a drink to keep withdrawal symptoms away until I could get medical attention.  I don’t know why but I declined that drink and have never had the physical urge to drink again.  They asked me to take a moment and think about getting some help.

I went and sat down in a chair in my family room.  In a few minutes I agreed to go into treatment.  In those few minutes I started to move from the alcoholic state of mind to a place where there was room for new ideas, new behaviors, new hope.  I did not understand the full implications of that decision at the time but have come to appreciate it as I mature in my sobriety.  That change of mind was quiet but momentous for me.  For the first time in my life, I was open to the view that alcohol was not the way to live.  In reality alcohol created an illusion that would lead toward death.  To this day, I mark my anniversary with a noon meeting to celebrate the exact time I first stepped toward sobriety.

There were several days spent in a hospital bed hooked to IVs.  The nurses would change shifts, and I overheard that my chart described me as a “chronic alcoholic” with “acute alcoholic hepatitis”.  During one of my sleepless nights, I heard people at the nursing station refer to my roommate and myself as the “drunks on the floor.”  The doctor who treated me during the early years of my recovery once told me that he did not think I had 6 weeks left to live if I had continued my alcohol consumption.

When I was admitted to the 30 day treatment program I soon learned that I had entered the hospital as a drunk (my word) but was now living in a sober condition as an alcoholic (their word and now my word, too!) toward becoming a recovering alcoholic (me now and a phrase I hear often in my meetings).

I learned a lot in that program about myself and the disease of alcoholism.  They provided a safe environment for my body to recover, for my mind to clear, and for my spirit to be freed from alcohol.  But the most important thing they did was to send me to an AA meeting in the hospital as soon as they were sure I could find my way back to my floor of the treatment program. 

While still in treatment I attended meetings, adopted the AA way of life and got a sponsor.  When I left the treatment program I immediately started to work the steps with my sponsor and did service work following my sponsor’s example.  When I had a year sober, he asked if I could attend a district meeting because he had a commitment that evening, he had to meet.  He told me to take some notes and report back to the group.  The following month he had a commitment on the same night and I filled in.  And sometime soon thereafter I was the group GSR and soon after that was acting as secretary for the district.

Over the first years I lived as a recovering alcoholic, the values of honesty and good works reappeared in my life.  In time this one-time petty thief and liar drunk would be entrusted with handling AA responsibilities including finances.  AA taught me to value my sobriety over everything else and pointed me in the right direction.  I am deeply grateful for that.

For the first few years in AA I kept my agnosticism to myself.  This was a personal decision.  My sponsor and I worked the steps and I participated in meetings including prayer & mediation.   At an open meeting when I was a few years sober, I spoke of my “neutrality” toward the deity, my agnosticism, and the effectiveness of the AA program in keeping me sober.  Afterward two patients came to thank me for my comments.  They had been hesitant about adopting AA because they were not “believers.”  Since that time, I have overcome my reluctance and will share at meetings that the program is effective no matter what you believe if you work at it.

Over time I have found that AA is very tolerant of all opinions, and I have never experienced any resistance at meetings.  (Maybe it also helps to diminish resistance when you are willing to make the coffee and handle the money!)  I have come to appreciate that the only belief I need for AA membership is to believe in the value of sobriety.  I have always tried to make clear that no matter what you believe, the AA way of life, keeping sober and living a decent life, is possible for anyone and the only way to live.

 I have also found other AAs who share my “belief.”  Joe is a good example.  We both appreciate the “Eastern” outlook which we understand has a primary “good” and not a “god.”  After a meeting in which I expressed interest in attending one of the AAAA meetings, Joe took me aside and said that I shouldn’t waste my time.  He had been to one and he told me that all they talked about was God. 

I also found that at the 1955 AA Convention where Bill publicly relinquished control over the AA structure, Father Ed Dowling, Bill’s spiritual advisor, addressed the gathering of alcoholics and said, “I think we are all agnostics”.  I take great comfort in his words, and I now know that I am not alone.

Being sober is the only way this alcoholic knows how to live.  The drinking life was based on illusion, and it would have eventually resulted in my death.  Being sober allows me to enjoy life and to meet my problems as best as I am able (The fact of the matter is that I have never been playing with a full deck anyway!).

Early in my sobriety, a regular at one of my meetings, we’ll call him Denny, would bring his baby daughter with him.  Denny used to hold his daughter in one arm and extend the other toward the sky with open palm and talk about how he had been reconnected.  I was impressed with his sincerity and the life he had embraced.  He counted every day sober and would announce it at every meeting he attended.  I started counting days and 2 and a half years into the program, on a June 10 (my birthday and AA’s birthday) I celebrated 1,000 days.  It was nice to have the sober faculties to be able to appreciate the symmetry in all of that.  1000 days were great, and I took it as an omen that I should stop counting and simply concentrate on one day at a time.

No, there have not been a lot of fireworks in my recovery, but the life-changing changes have occurred and if my life is not always serene it is usually balanced.  I have good relationships with my children and grandchildren, got married after 20 years of sobriety to a good woman in the program, and have weathered the downs in life including deaths of people close to me.  My mother dropped dead from a heart attack while I was doing my 5^th step.  My son died from an accidental drug overdose.  I have learned to recognize and embrace those incidents, and to remember that I am not alone in experiencing them.  I try to live a life which I can enjoy and to be helpful to others.  There are times I get goosebumps in an AA meeting simply by remembering that I do not have to take a drink today.

Let me finish by saying I have come to appreciate and be grateful for the way we AAs create the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I was reading William James and discovered that he thought that it was possible the deity derives strength from our human actions!  A crazy idea but one that appeals to me. I know that I am not AA but I also know that I am a functioning part of AA!  If there are no parts, no matter how small, there is no AA!  When we lose a part, whether from relapse or death or whatever the reason, we become a little weaker.  And the flip side to that is that the AA fellowship is stronger every time we attract a new member.  Everything starts with individual AA members deciding to show up at a meeting.  From that point, inside and outside the meeting rooms, those members as individuals and in groups fulfill the AA responsibility to carry the message.  It is my firm belief that my purpose is to stay sober and to carry the message that sobriety is possible for everyone and the only way to live.  And it is also my firm belief that I am not alone in believing this.  And by that faith and the actions that come from it, we become more than ourselves.

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A false alarm brought real help

(Published in the November 2006 Grapevine)

It started sometime in the mid-fifties in a small town in southern New Hampshire. In neighborhoods of that era, everyone knew everyone else’s business, but would never intrude, no matter what was happening. If things were not right in a family, neighbors might be concerned but would look the other way. The saying, “What goes on in this house stays in this house,” was mentioned often. Most of my friend’s families were the same. Today the phrase is only used in dysfunctional households. A state agency would have intervened if there was such an agency back then.

My father was well-liked in the drinking community. When a project needed attention, my dad would be there, and of course, a case or two of beer was always on the agenda. My dad’s three jobs kept him busy, and we didn’t see him very often. He cut shoe leather during the day, loaded trucks with cases of eggs in the evening, and cleaned the Catholic School on weekends. I believe he was trying to impress his friends on how successful he could be without a college degree. 

Our family was the first to have a television in town, and Friday night, several of Dad’s friends came, with their beer, to watch boxing. As far back as I can remember, there was always an almost new car in the driveway, and we kids had nice clothing. At Christmas, our house received the award for the best decorated.

Unfortunately, Dad was never home for the family. As a child growing up, I barely knew who he was. My mother did the raising of the kids, and she did the best she could.

Catholic Mass we attended every Sunday was spoken in Latin. Even though I was an Altar Boy, I didn’t know what I was saying. I felt God was always around but not speaking my language.

Things changed one Friday evening, which gravely affected our family for many years. A friend and I were planning on going to the movies, and I was waiting for Dad to come home; he was late. My friend called and said his father was finally home and was delayed because of a terrible car crash. Someone died in the accident, and he told how his father witnessed the body covered up in the road.

Alone in the living room, I looked out the window, praying, “Please, God, don’t let it be my dad.”

A few minutes later, the police arrived, and I knew God had ignored my plea. God didn’t love me. I remember looking up and saying, “F–you!” In an instant, my relationship with God vanished for the next thirty years.

The police officer and a Catholic priest came into the kitchen, telling my mom and the other three kids what had happened. I could hear everyone in the kitchen crying. I came in and joined them. The priest took me aside and said, “You’re now the head of the family, and your mother will be looking for you to be strong.” Being twelve and impressionable, I believed his words and completely shut down all emotions. No God, no feelings, alone, and I had to be a man for everyone else.

We somehow made it through those dark days, but Mom started drinking more at home Things turned sour quickly. We kids didn’t know what to expect each day when we came home from school. Sometimes mom was passed out in her chair, in bed, or on the living room floor. We could never bring friends home and were good at keeping the family secrets.

I tried my first drink two months after the funeral on New Year’s Eve. A buddy and I were babysitting for a friend of my father’s. We mixed a few drinks from the bar, which tasted terrible, but I loved the feeling. The shy introvert I was transformed into the taller, better-looking, outgoing guy I always wanted to be. My friend and I began dancing in the kitchen, singing along with Elvis on a 45RPM record player. I also remember thinking, what a secret my parents had kept from me all these years! I would have searched out alcohol much earlier had I only known.

Liquor was hard to get in those days and never as often as I’d like. However, I did manage a six-pack or two once in a while on weekends.

After graduating from High School, the Air Force became the obvious choice. After Basic Training, there was Aircraft Mechanic school. Drinking wasn’t a problem as it was almost impossible to obtain. However, once at my first duty station in Everett, Washington, superiors didn’t care what I did after work, so I spent most of my off-duty time in the enlisted men’s club. That started a pattern of daily drinking for the next twenty-two years.

After four years in the military, I was married quickly to my sister’s best friend. On our wedding night, I passed out in the car at the motel. She should have seen the writing on the wall then. We raised three children, and she rightfully filed for divorce after thirteen years. I did manage to stay sober, without AA, for seven months. That was the deal. If I didn’t drink, I could live in the house until things were final. That day came, and I had to move on. I started drinking immediately but always looked back fondly at those seven months.

Like most heavy drinkers, I’d been shown many signposts along the way. Finally, one DWI and a few arrests ended in what I hope to be my last drunk. It’s the one I never want to forget.

The trouble started after drinking all day in the VFW across from my apartment. By this time, the morning drink was typical, and the VFW opened its doors at ten. Sometime late in the evening, I became involved in a pushing match with a Spanish fellow who refused to speak English. My gun came out, and I threatened him and his family. Lucky for the both of us, the bouncer was close-by and jumped in, taking the gun away. I was dragged outside and left unconscious in the parking lot.

My next recollection while sleeping on the couch was the phone ringing. The woman dispatcher for the police department asked, “Where did you put the bomb in the VFW?” It seems someone called 9-1-1 from my phone and identified themselves as me. I looked around the apartment and couldn’t find evidence that someone had broken in. I told the dispatcher that whoever called must have left without a trace, assuring them I’d continue to search.

I don’t remember making the call; however, I do remember feeling quite satisfied when I saw everyone standing outside the VFW with police and fire trucks in the street.

The following day, the police arrived, and off to jail, I went. The charges were assault with a deadly weapon and false public alarm. Terror is the only feeling I felt. I pictured myself shackled to Bubba for the next five years, which was not in my plan. After a short stay in jail, I made bail and proceeded to find a lawyer. The lawyer suggested I consider not drinking and attend AA meetings.

She said, “It might help when we go to trial if I can tell the judge you have been sober for several months and you’re putting your life back together.”

The next night was my first AA meeting, drinking, of course, as I had no courage to do it without some help. I also thought my friends in the bar would be worried if I wasn’t around for a while, and I didn’t want them to worry. So they sent me off to AA with a bang.

I sat along the wall during the meeting and didn’t understand what was said; however, I heard someone say, “Maybe you should go home, get down on your knees, and beg God for help.”

I did precisely that and prayed from the bottom of my soul, “Please, God, help me. I can’t stop drinking.”

That was three and a half decades ago. My lawyer plea-bargained the charges, and the judge gave me a break with a suspended sentence and a conditional discharge, so my record was wiped clean after a year.

Today, I regularly attend AA meetings, sponsor several men, have a home group, and have been involved in the business end of several clubs.

Has my life been smooth since I’ve found sobriety? Heck, no. Like most of us, I’ve made bad decisions while “trudging the road.”

After two years, I thought getting married would help me feel better. But unfortunately, the marriage only lasted fifty-two days, and I didn’t drink.

At four years, the company I’d given 22 years of my life let me go, and I didn’t drink.

At six years, my alcoholic girlfriend refused to move out of my house, and I was the one served with a restraining order, and I didn’t drink. 

That girlfriend became a friend but died of cancer two years later, and I didn’t drink.

At eight years, I opened a Recovery Bookstore called Journey to Serenity and thought I could save the world. Unfortunately, I lost everything I owned within three years; however, I read many books about myself and didn’t drink.

I’ve been fired from an excellent job, laid off from another, took a job at a lesser salary, and didn’t drink.

You see, I can get through any situation between God and AA as long as I don’t pick up the first drink.

I’ve spent the past 36 years changing how I think about myself. I’m a student of life, trying to learn how the universe works. 

The most powerful lesson I’ve learned is everything happens inside me. My perception of any situation is in my control. I have a choice in which way my mind will react. I try my best to look for positive solutions; I take my problems to my sponsor or let friends at a meeting know what’s going on with me.

With God’s guidance, I plan never to drink again, one day at a time. I must always remember, however, that the monkey may be off my back, but the circus hasn’t left town, and it never will for this alcoholic.

(Published in the November 2006 Grapevine)

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Dad flew out to California where he had been working the past year and I remained with my Granny and Paw Paw. Though I had a beautiful sunshiny yellow room with a four poster bed, I felt abandonment. From second through fourth grade, this dynamic duo fortified me with their AA and Al-Anon -principles, and loved me to the best of their ability. Grateful for the baton, gymnastics, and dance classes, as well as being a Girl Scout, now, knowing how much they sacrificed for me. I also remember, sobbing in the middle of class, feeling like an orphan with no mom or dad like most of my classmates. Some nights I would drift off to sleep in here, my dad’s voice in the TV and wake up in the morning running down the hall, thinking he’d come back for a surprise visit!

Paw Paw retired and I moved in with my aunt, uncle and three cousins. From a fifth grade until high school graduation, I enjoyed having two “sisters”, a “brother” a golden Retriever , and parental figures. Missing my real parents, blaming myself often, I became a karma chameleon to please my Host family, no matter who they were, or where we were.

Always feeling a bit of an outsider and trying to keep up, my life changed drastically when I turn 15. I was invited to a party at the top of the block and two high schools were represented. I drank whatever they handed me and smoked whatever they passed around. I had found my people! Now I knew I could handle life! Whiskey and beer became my new, best friends overnight! A couple of months after this episode, and stealing liquor from the mini bottles at home, I came home from school, and a professional locksmith was installing a lock on the liquor door. I ignored him, the family ignored me. Nothing was ever discussed, and we all kept pretending to be “normal “. 

My second year of college I’d already lost my soul to alcohol. I began sauntering sexily like my friend Annie. I would purr seductively with Marilyn Monroe eyes, knowing with each seductive sashay I might get a drink, drug or dude. I could not bear to feel any real emotion that welled up. At age 20, after a hospitalization for a manic state, I attended my first AA meeting. I made it 30 days without a drink, picked up my chip, looked around the room and bargained with myself that I could handle myself and moderate my consumption. What a destructive egoistic selfish decision! 

My Paw Paw passed away in 1993, And I was annihilated and barely remember the funeral. Dealing with reality through alcohol oblivion became my new coping skill. The last year of college I fell in love! We both had the same major had campus dogs and loved drinking rum! Our dream was to live on a sailboat and steady foreign cultures together and experience the world! Well, we lived on a 23 foot Columbia sailboat, and almost in embarked on adventure, then we were three! I remember telling him that I was pregnant, and he said, let me take another shot of tequila, and then came back and hugged me.

For the next 10 years, alcohol became my true love, surpassing, both children and the ex. I remember stealing money from their piggy banks to support my crutch and not feeling remorseful. The downward spiral of destruction was swallowing me. Right before their father kicked me out of the house, I was trying to play PTA president by day and sneaking out and playing pool all night. When I could drink them all under the table and make it home before sunlight, I felt like an unstoppable superwoman, who could live two lives! These two worlds collided and crumbled. When the kids would come visit me, I often ignored them. One of my roommates said, your daughter wants to spend time with you, and I hurried to the porch to sip and smoke. Then, sometimes I’d overcompensated buy tons of junk food and let them invite their friends over so I could drink happily on the porch

I cringe at my core, thinking about how  my selfish cravings for alcohol constantly hurt all who were nearby. I remember thinking that I will always put my children first, not like my parents abandoned me. Unfortunately, I fell into the alcoholic abyss and deluded myself with justifying twisted rationalizations. I remember walking the kids to the bus stop and seeing my staggered, drunken footsteps in the sandy gravelly road,laughing to myself thinking how cute I was. I could drink everyone under the table and make it home to play mom! I thought I was the master of two worlds. Now I reflect on how alcohol controlled every footstep for entirely too long. Ego alcoholic, thinking consumed my thoughts and crowded out, motherly, compassion, and sanity. 

20 years after my first white chip, I had attempted recovery four times in between, and I finally hit my rock bottom! When Granny called the authorities on me from four hours away, I knew the charade was over. That same day my roommate texted me, what do you want me to put on your tombstone? Finally! I realized I couldn’t play this insane game any longer!

On May 1, 2014, I loaded up my minivan with two months of dirty clothes, dropped my dog off with the kids at their father’s house, and headed towards Help. On my four hour ride, which turned into 13 hours, I hit three ABC stores, aunt Betty’s, as we jokingly called them. by the grace of God, I made it to Granny’s , utterly, defeated, and ready to immerse myself in alcoholics anonymous. 

Walking up to the little white miracle house behind the church, I was welcomed with love; I could finally exhale and feel at home with my people. My first sponsor interviewed me three times asking me, are you willing to go to any length this time? I kept responding. Yes, with more passion and determination each day. She gently and motherly (which is exactly what I needed at the time) took me through the first 9 steps and my life improved drastically. Another sister in our home group said, sobriety sure, looks good on you! I was beaming from this compliment for a whole month! To actually be praised for shining spiritually it was a whole new concept in my still soggy brain.

This matronly diva (Glam-ma) moved two hours away. My higher power brought me another high energy, but sterner sponsor, who bolstered me up with unconditional AA, love and strong suggestions. During this phase of my development, I remember sitting in a meeting, with my fingers on the third step prayer dog tack necklace from the step study group. my eyes reading the famous footprints plaque. My eyes grew larger as I recall, reading this on my best friends wall in high school. Back then I sneered in disgust and rolled my eyes and muttered, what a bunch of hypocritical Jesus freaks! This day, with clear eyes and clean hands, I saw the beauty of being carried by God. My own gait was becoming more balanced, and my posture was improving as well. When this firecracker of a sponsor moved six hours away, she nudged me towards another.  Each sponsor, following, helped me walk with dignity and purpose, with each more mindful step.

The first word of the first step is we. Together we can climb mountains and lift each other out of ditches. When I well up with tears of gratitude, when I read the promises at a meeting, I give others the permission to grow through what we grow through. I was gifted this treasure by another sober sister, and in turn regift it to others. Alcoholics anonymous restored my soul, reset, my moral compass, and helped me see the world through new clear eyes.  In native American beliefs, Eagle source above, and sees only love, which is how I strive to see the world as well. It is becoming easier every day, because I often look up with my hand on my heart and humbly say thank you.

Gratitude exudes from every poor, as I skip barefoot, through the tidal marshes of Ozello dancing with the skittering crabs. As the tide rises, my footprints are lost in the swirling, frothy sediment. I laugh, because I do not have to prove to anyone else my path. Others may never know I’ve tromped through here, but God and I, we know. Our coins say it, and I live it, thanks to this fellowship! To thine own self be true.  When Granny gave my Paw-Paw his 10 year medallion to celebrate his continuous sobriety, one side has his date, and the other side has a G over AA. Back then, in 1964 the chips said this, which stands for God over AA, and I’m glad they evolved over time. The founding fledglings intuitively knew how world wide this program was infiltrating, making the unity of all our priority. How we can combine eastern and western thought patterns and trudge This road of happy destiny, perhaps, with Lao Tzu’s words, echoing, walking, each step, kissing mother earth gently.

Thanking all the generations of AA, especially one quote, when life seems severe, grab God’s hands, and persevere! As I continue to grow in an ever expanding love, ripple all things to this divinely inspired program, I give, thanks for my ancestors, knowing how proud of me they are. I can break down my daily practice into the three R’s; Relinquish all to HP, Receive copious blessings and Reciprocate back to all beings. If my heart grows in gratitude anymore, it might explode!

In love, service and appreciation 

Dorcas W.

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The Good Book tells the story of one of God’s chosen, Noah, who became a farmer after the flood and among other things, grew grapes. When you are still “begetting” at the age of 500, a few drinks might be in order. But Noah drank of the wine and passed out naked in his tent. Even in those days, this was not considered social drinking. The need for Al-Anon became apparent for the first time with this event. His sons found him naked, put a cloak over their shoulders, backed into the tent and covered his nakedness. They turned their back on the problem and tried to cover it up. They were in denial. (Genesis 9:20–23)

3,000 years ago, King Solomon wrote about the alcoholic. One version of what he wrote goes like this: “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. They hit me,” you will say, “but I’m not hurt! They beat me, but I don’t feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?” (Proverbs 23:29-35).

Except for the brief experience of the Washingtonians around the 1840’s to 1850’s, there has been only death or insanity for the alcoholic. It would appear that around the turn of the 20th Century God said it was time for the alcoholic to have a chance and he picked SEVEN characters to make this thing happen. (There are of course many more but for simplicity we’ll talk about the Seven.)

Four of our characters were born in Vermont and all four were to become real alcoholics (Rowland Hazard, Ebby Thacher and Bill Wilson all from East Dorset and who were friends in their earlier days. The fourth was Robert Smith, born about 75 miles up the road in St. Johnsbury). One was to be found in Switzerland with an interest in our mental states – the world renowned psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung. Two were to be found in New York City; one with an interest in our physical state – William D. Silkworth, M.D., a Neurologist and the other with an interest in our spiritual state – Rev. Sam Shoemaker, Pastor of the Calvary Church. These were the “Magnificent Seven.”

The four alcoholics were coming to the end of their respective roads about the same time. Rowland, being from a wealthy family, was able to spend a year under the care and treatment of Dr. Jung who had pronounced Rowland cured at the end of that time. Unfortunately for Rowland, that proved not to be the case, because he was drunk before he was able to get out of Europe. On returning to Zurich, Dr. Jung reversed his diagnosis and pronounced Rowland as completely hopeless. Dr. Jung had never seen an alcoholic of Rowland’s kind ever recover. All the others had died an alcoholic death or gone permanently insane. Rowland pleaded for an alternative and Dr. Jung said that he had heard of alcoholics having a vital spiritual experience. These were a phenomenon, completely without explanation or understanding, and he had no idea where these might be found or what must be done for these miracles to occur.

Rowland returned to the U.S. of A. a broken man, but in talking with Rev. Sam Shoemaker, learned of a small group called the Oxford Group that had found a solution to some very difficult living problems. They had started out being known as “The First Century Christianity Movement,” which gives us a clue as to their basic concepts – the “Four Absolutes” which incorporated Absolute Honesty, Absolute Unselfishness, Absolute Love and Absolute Purity. These “Absolutes” were abstracted from the first four Books of the New Testament. From the “Absolutes,” the alky groupers came up with these “Six Precepts”

1. Complete Deflation
2. Dependence and guidance from a Higher Power
3. Moral Inventory
4. Confession
5. Restitution
6. Continued work with other alcoholics,

which can be found on page 292 of the Third Edition or on page 263 of the Fourth Edition of the Basic Text Book “Alcoholics Anonymous.” These were the forerunners of our Twelve Steps. Rowland followed the directions of the Oxford Group and was able to stay happily sober. The Rev. Shoemaker was the spiritual leader of this Group and would later become Bill Wilson’s first spiritual advisor, followed later by Fr. Ed Dowling in 1940.

One of the “Six Precepts” of the Oxford Group alkies was that a member must try to help others. Rowland heard that Ebby was in big trouble and about to be committed to the insane asylum for alcoholic insanity, which in those days could be a lifetime sentence. Rowland got another Oxfordite, appeared before the judge who was preparing the commitment papers and requested that Ebby be released into their custody. Because of their success in sobriety they believed they could help him.

Ebby tried their program and he too found sobriety. Both Rowland and Ebby understood that their freedom from drinking was the result of a Spiritual Intervention, and believed that to stay sober, they must try to help others so afflicted.

Meanwhile, the other two guys from Vermont were really having their problems with alcohol. Bill Wilson had just completed his second trip to Towns Hospital where Dr. Silkworth had explained his ideas about the disease of alcoholism; the allergy of the body which produces the craving for more alcohol once he had taken the first few drinks and the obsession or insanity of the mind that condemned him to start drinking, unmindful of the ensuing consequences. Dr. Silkworth pronounced Bill as hopeless and told Lois, Bill’s wife, that she would soon have to turn Bill over to the undertaker or the keepers of an insane asylum, perhaps within a year.

Robert H. Smith, M.D. was rapidly loosing everything he had even though he was and had been an active participant of the Oxford Group in Akron, Ohio for over two years. That Group had been praying that Dr. Bob would be relieved from the grip that Demon Rum had on him, but he only got worse.

Back in New York, Ebby remembered his old drinking buddy, Bill Wilson, and knew from rumors that were floating around Wall Street that Bill, the stockbroker, was in bad shape. He decided to find out where Bill was living and give him a call to see if they could have a visit. He made it to Bill’s home and surprised him by appearing to be sober and declining the drink Bill offered him. It had been many years since Bill had seen Ebby sober. Bill was more than a little curious as to what had happened to his old drinking buddy.

So Ebby told Bill of the practical program of action that had produced two months of happy sobriety and offered the program to Bill. Bill listened but declined to partake thereof because it had something to do with God and Bill was a hardnosed agnostic. Knowing of Bill’s anti-religious belief, Ebby left Bill with one very dramatic thought, “Bill, why don’t you choose your own conception of God?”

Though his thirty day drunk was to last two more weeks, that thought would not leave him. At the end of that drunk, Bill wound up at Towns Hospital for the third time about to go into D.T.’s. On the third day of his sobriety, he decided he would do what Ebby said he had done. He called Ebby from the hospital and asked him to pay him a visit. He asked Ebby to explain what it was he had done one more time. Ebby again outlined the simple program of action. After Ebby left, Bill got on his knees beside his bed and said, “If there is a God, let Him show Himself now!” and Bill experienced his “Hot Flash.”

The next day, Ebby returned to the Hospital and helped Bill learn how to apply the simple program of action to his life. Bill left the hospital at the end of seven days with a thought that his primary purpose in life would be to try to help other alcoholics. (Praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out?)

Rev. Shoemaker worked with Bill and helped him confirm that helping others was what he was to be about. Bill and Ebby worked the Oxford Mission for four months without a single success. Bill became discouraged and told Lois that the “Hot Flash” he had in Towns Hospital must have been a fluke. His effort to help other alcoholics was a complete waste of time and that he had had it with those damn drunks. He was going to get a steady job, get her out of the Department Store, and they were going to start living a normal life.

Lois said, “No Bill, you aren’t wasting your time. For the first time in our seventeen years of married life, you have gone four months without a drink. This thing is working, and I so love you sober. Please keep trying.”

So Bill went back to Dr. Silkworth and explained his lack of success. Dr. Silkworth told Bill that his problem was quite simple. He was getting the cart before the horse. “Tell them about the scientific hopelessness of alcoholism,” the Doctor said. “Tell them about the physical allergy that prevents them from being able to control the amount they drink once they have started drinking. Tell them about the insidious insanity, the obsession that condemns them to start drinking even though they really don’t want to. Tell them your story of what your life was like before you found your recovery. Once they hear that, they then may be willing to hear about that God of yours.” Bill said, “Yes, that just might do it.”

While this had been going on, he and a few friends who still had some money, learned of a machine company in Akron, Ohio, of all places, that could be had for a song in a “We can’t lose” proxy fight. The “We can’t lose” deal lost and Bill found himself alone, broke and full of resentment and fear in the lobby of the Mayflower hotel. He went to the church directory in the lobby, located the name of a minister named Walter Tunks who might know something of the Oxford Group and called for help. Bill desperately wanted to locate another serious drinker to talk with.

The result of that call was that he was given ten names and telephone numbers. The first eight calls were typical of what an alcoholic might expect; “We’re busy,” “We don’t know any drunks,” “You certainly called the wrong number here,” and then the ninth one just hung up on him. With the nine rejections on top of his already horrible fear and dejection, he started to the other end of the lobby to the bar. In a moment of sanity, he remembered what always happened and returned to make the tenth attempt at the numbers the kind pastor had given him.

The result was that he ended up talking with Henrietta Seiberling, a member of the Akron Oxford Group and daughter-in-law of the founder and president of Goodyear Rubber Co. Remember that the Akron Oxford Group had been praying for Dr. Bob’s release from the bottle. When Henrietta heard what Bill wanted, another alcoholic to try to help so he could stay sober, she knew that God had answered their prayers and insisted that Bill come out right away. That was May 11, 1935, the Saturday before Mother’s Day. (Fifteen years later, Rev. Tunks would officiate at Dr. Bob’s funeral.)

Henrietta called the Smith residence and when Anne Smith answered the call, she had to remind Henrietta that it was the day before Mother’s Day and that Dr. Bob, being the loving husband that he was, had brought her a beautiful potted plant to celebrate the occasion. The potted plant was sitting on the dining room table but unfortunately Dr. Bob was also potted and he was under the dining room table. Maybe they could make it the next afternoon.

At Anne’s insistence, the nagging wife, Dr. Bob reluctantly agreed to go to the Seiberling Estate that Mother’s Day afternoon to meet this character from New York but she had to promise that they would stay no longer than fifteen minutes.

When they met at the Seiberling Estate Gatehouse, Bill looked at Dr. Bob, who was perspiring, shaking with blood shot eyes and said, “Dr. Smith, it is so good to meet you.” Dr. Bob replied, “Yes Mr. Wilson, it is good to meet you also but we must be very brief. I have but a few minutes.” And Bill replied, “Dr., I understand. You look like you could use a drink.” And that piqued Dr. Bob’s curiosity about this “Rummy from New York.”

Fifteen minutes and six hours later they were still at it and Anne Smith suggested that they return to the Smith residence to continue their discussion. One month later on June 10, after a slip while attending a medical conference, Dr. Bob had his last drink. Two weeks later, Dr. Bob said to Bill: “If you and I are going to stay sober, we had better get busy.” Bill and Dr. Bob talked to an alcoholic attorney of the hopeless variety in the hospital, Bill Dotson, “Anonymous Number Three”, and three months later, Bill W. returned to New York; Dr. Bob had taken his last drink and Alcoholics Anonymous had been born, but nobody knew it at that time.

Dr. Bob and Bill Dotson in Akron and Bill Wilson in New York went to work feverishly on improving their success rate. By the end of 1936, there were a total of about fifteen sober members of this rag-tail group.

In the Fall of 1937, Bill visited Dr. Bob. Bill had a little over 2 1/2 years of sobriety and Dr. Bob a little over two years. They were comparing their experience with helping alkies find sobriety. As they compared notes and counted noses, they were struck with an amazing fact; approximately 40 hopeless, helpless alcoholics were sober as a result of the simple program of action which they had learned from the Oxfordites. The age of miracles was with them; forty miracles were trying to carry the message of hope to the hopeless. They knew they must find a way to present this simple program of action in such a manner that alcoholics everywhere could have a chance to live and become useful and successful citizens again.

The outcome of this realization bore fruit in 1939 with the writing and publication of our basic text, the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. It has remained virtually unchanged since the original printing and has become the basic text for recovery for something well in excess of 200 different anonymous fellowships over the last -1820 years since publication.

Some of these are Al-Anon – Alateen, Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Sex-Addicts Anonymous, Sex and Love Anonymous, Co-Dependents Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous, Incest Survivors Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous, and on, and on, and on.

It is estimated that something over 20 million people are now using the “Big Book” to learn how to take the 12 Steps to Recovery. “and we are sure our way of living has its advantages for all”(pg xiii).

The only differences in these different anonymous programs is Step One, The Problem (what is it we are powerless over), and Step Twelve (who is it that we can help). Steps Two through Eleven are the same for all.

There were SEVEN main characters in this scenario. There were TWO more. Had it not been for a lady named Anne and a gal named Lois, who insisted that Bill was not wasting his time, Bill and Dr. Bob would never have met, and where would you and I be today?

A TENTH must also be noted, for if Jimmy B. had not insisted on “God as we understood Him “and “The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking,” this alky and a million others would not have made it to Sobriety and a Spiritual Awakening.

And so here we are, about to soberly embark on a journey through a book that could never have been written by a guy who could never have had the wisdom we will find as we study the experience of more than 100 recovered men and women shared in this volume. We the hopeless are doing the impossible and will soon learn how we can make this miracle a reality in our lives.

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No where in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous does it tell the newcomer or any other member of A.A. to get a sponsor.

I hear it all the time in the rooms of A.A., “Get a sponsor”, “Call your sponsor everyday”, and “Don’t make any decisions until you talk to your sponsor”.

I heard one fellow in the rooms of A.A. say, “My sponsor told me to call him everyday.” He replied, “But you’re out of town for the next two weeks?” His sponsor replied, “I said, you’re to call me everyday. I didn’t say I would talk to you everyday!”

Incredible! I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard this pathetic ‘bromide’ touted as a sound strategy for helping the newcomer recover. Furthermore, I hear other “sponsees” share about how dependent they are on their sponsors for advice and counselling on medical, psychological, financial, legal, and relationship matters. “They won’t make any decisions about anything until they talk to their sponsors.” It’s no wonder why the rooms of A.A. are wrought with co-dependent members unable to function independently without being hand-held and spoon-fed their sponsor’s “pap” for some indefinite amount time in the program of A.A.

I believe one of the biggest reasons A.A. recovery rates have plummeted from its stellar 50% to 75% success rates of the 1940’s to a dismal 10% or less success rate in the rooms today is due to poor and ineffective sponsorship.

Bill W. writes: “Though three hundred thousand have recovered in the last twenty-five years, maybe half a million more have walked into our midst, and then out again. We can’t well content ourselves with the view that all these recovery failures were entirely the fault of the newcomers themselves. Perhaps a great many didn’t receive the kind and amount of sponsorship they so sorely needed. We didn’t communicate when we might have done so. So we AA’s failed them.” (AAGrapevine. The Dilemma of No Faith. 1961. Vo. 17 No. 17).

Working with Others

“Any A.A. who has not experienced the joys and satisfaction of helping another alcoholic regain his place in life has not yet fully realized the complete benefits of this fellowship.” (A.A. Sponsorship Pamphlet. 1944. Clarence S.)

Question: What does the Big Book reference 123 times in the first 88 pages? Answer: Alcoholics working with other alcoholics. And, by working with another alcoholic, the Big Book doesn’t mean a “sponsor”, it specifically means two alcoholics working together, putting the A.A. Program into action.

How it important is it for A.A. members to work newcomers? Our Big Book says:

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 89)

“This seemed to prove that one alcoholic could affect another as no nonalcoholic (non-addict) could. It also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic (recovered member) with another (newcomer), was vital to permanent recovery.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. xvi)

“We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 132)

“But if you are shaky you had better work with another alcoholic instead.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 102)

“Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 97)

What is the Function of the Big Book?

“To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. xiii)

“Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 45)

Spiritual Dependence NOT Sponsor Co-Dependence

Another thing I hear it all the time is, “Who is your sponsor?” When I reply, “I don’t have a sponsor”, I get an endless tirade of, “You know a person who sponsors them self, has a fool for a sponsor”. Now, when I came into the program, I had someone sit down with me and show me how to work the steps. After working the steps he then told me to show others how to work steps. And, that’s what I have been doing for the past several years, teaching others how to work the Twelve Steps and how to teach others to teach others to work the Twelve Steps. Occasionally, I will call the man who showed me “How It Works” to sometimes clear some Step Five work or discuss approaches on Step Nine, but mostly I call to talk about working with newcomers. And, he sometimes calls me to clear up some Step Five work or some other aspect of the program, but mostly he call me to discuss working with others.

Once again, no where in first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous does it ever recommend that I call a “sponsor”. When I need direction or guidance, the Big Book is very clear about who I should contact: “…he (Bill W.) was convinced of the need for moral inventory, confession of personality defects, restitution to those harmed, helpfulness to others, and the necessity of belief in and dependence upon God.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. xvi)

“But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now! (Alcoholics Anonymous.” 59) “Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director.” (Alcoholics Anonymous.” 62)

In the evening:

After making our review we ask God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. (Alcoholics Anonymous. 86)

In the morning:

We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. (Alcoholics Anonymous. 86)

During the day:

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. (Alcoholics Anonymous. 86)

We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. (Alcoholics Anonymous. 87)

The role of the Big Book Sponsor is to teach the newcomer how to work a Twelve Step Program and show them how teach other newcomers to do the same.

Dr. Silkworth writes: “In the course of his (Bill W.) third treatment he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics, impressing upon them that they must do likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship of these men and their families. This man and over one hundred others appear to have recovered.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. xxiii)

The Big Book gives explicit instructions on how to approach and work with the newcomer:

But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. (Alcoholics Anonymous. 18)

That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou (that means we are not saints nor are we crusaders or mission makers), nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay (that means the program is freely given to others and that there is to be no professional class of therapy or counselling), no axes to grind (we’re not here to have windy arguments or frothy debates with the newcomer), no people to please (that means no ass-kissing), no lectures to be endured (that means we are not here to judge or run your life)-these are the conditions we have found most effective. (Alcoholics Anonymous. 18-19)

In the 1940’s, the A.A. Beginners’ Meetings ‘s provided a safe and structured environment where newcomers TOOK all Twelve Steps and recovered from alcoholism, as well as a place where those who had been through the Steps learned how to sponsor those who were just starting on their spiritual journeys. The Beginners’ Meetings fostered participatory sponsorship and many newcomers were sponsored by two or more A.A. members, the sponsor and his or her apprentice(s). The term the early A.A.’s used to describe this relationship was co-sponsorship.

Key Concepts from the 1940’s Beginner’s Meetings

Wally P., author of the book, “Back to Basics: The Alcoholics Anonymous Beginners’ Mettings” and an A.A. archivist, interviewed many of the A.A. pioneers from the 1940’s about the early program of A.A.

Here is what Wally discovered about A.A. sponsorship in the 1940’s:

1. Don’t put barriers between the newcomer and Step Twelve. Help the newcomer get to Step Twelve as quickly as possible, so they can experience the life-changing spiritual awakening that occurs as the direct result of taking the Steps. Reassure the newcomer that our program of recovery will relieve their alcoholism/addiction. Show the newcomer that the process is simple, straightforward and that it really works.

The program takes only a few hours to a week at best to learn. Bill W. started working with other alcoholics as soon as he finished his last treatment which was a 5 to 7 day stay in the hospital back in the 1930s.

“My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems….I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic (addict) would save the day.” (Alcoholics Anonymous.15)

“…the broker had worked hard with many alcoholics on the theory that only an alcoholic could help an alcoholic, but he had succeeded only in keeping sober himself. He suddenly realized that in order to save himself he must carry his message to another alcoholic.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. xvi) “Hence the two men (Bill W. and Dr. Bob) set to work almost frantically upon alcoholics arriving in the ward of the Akron City Hospital.” (Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. xvii)

Ebby T. was only 60 days sober when he passed the solution over to Bill W.

“But he (Ebby T.) did no ranting. In a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. They had told of a simple religious idea and a practical program of action. That was two months ago and the result was self-evident. It worked! (Alcoholics Anonymous. 9)

2. It’s the responsibility of the Sponsor to call the newcomer! Demonstrate that you are there for the newcomer by checking in with them on a regular basis. Remember, the newcomer is very ill and needs your encouragement and support.

I’ve heard many sponsors tell their sponsees to call them everyday as a way of showing their willingness and if the fail to do so, they’re fired by their sponsors. I understand the notion of trying to gauge the newcomer’s willingness, but measuring the newcomer’s willingness by their ability to phone daily is like a doctor telling their patient, “you have a terminal disease and I need to treat you daily, so you must call on me daily to make sure I give you the remedy.” That’s not the way it works. The doctor realizes the patient is sick and it is the doctor who calls on the patient regularly to see that their remedy is administered as required. It’s the same way with the suffering alcoholic. Their minds and bodies are sick. It’s our responsibility as recovered alcoholics to call on the newcomer, to make sure the newcomer gets our common solution so that they too may recover.

3. Read the appropriate parts of the “Big Book” to the newcomer. The newcomer is in no physical or emotional condition to read, let alone comprehend, the “Big Book” by them self. Therefore, read and explain the appropriate parts of the book to the newcomer, specifically those 50 or so passages that pertain directly to taking the Twelve Steps.

This is an approach the “Muckers” of the Greater Toronto area developed in the early 1990’s. The Muckers focus is the Big Book; they use no other text. The emphasis is on the first 89 to 103 pages of the Big Book, which have not been altered since originally published in 1939. The process of one alcoholic or addict guiding another through the Book takes between 24 and 30 hours, usually done in 2 – 3 hour sessions, typically over a period of 2 – 3 weeks. In the process, the newcomer circle words and highlight passages and writes comments and notes in the margin of their Big Book. That’s way they are called Muckers, because they muck up the Book! During this period of “being booked”, the individual actually performs the first 11 steps of the program. By teaching it the “Mucker” method to other newcomers they complete Step Twelve.

4. The healing is in the sharing not in the writing. Sit down with newcomer and guide him or her through the Fourth Step inventory. If necessary, write the inventory while the newcomer does the talking. this will help relieve any anxiety or apprehension the newcomer may have about this part of the program.

So often I hear of alcoholics relapsing on Step Four. Why? Because they’re sponsors cut them loose and tell them to go do an inventory. Most alcoholics are either too jittery and sick to write out their inventory, or too afraid to look at the carnage of their past, so they relapse instead. By taking the Step Four and Five journey together, both recovered alcoholic and the newcomer can uncover the character defects and make efficient headway to Steps Six and Seven.

5. Assist the newcomer with his or her amends. Work together on the newcomer’s amends. Be the first person the newcomer sees after an amends is made. Once again, when I work with newcomers, I assist them in mapping out their list of amends and how to possibly make them.

6. Share guidance with the newcomer. Show the newcomer that you believe in and are practicing two-way prayer on a daily basis. Again, I am always doing Step Three and Seven prayers with newcomers and encouraging them to meditate on the answers rather than calling me for advice.

7. Co-sponsor the next newcomer. Have the newcomer accompany you as you work with the next person. This way, the newcomer will gain confidence in his or her ability to guide others through the recovery process.

One of Cleveland, Ohio A.A. founders, Clarence S. writes in a pamphlet on A.A. sponsorship: “Additional information for sponsoring a new man can be obtained from the experience of older men in the work. A co-sponsor, with an experienced and newer member working on a prospect, has proven very satisfactory. Before undertaking the responsibility of sponsoring, a member should make certain that he is able and prepared to give the time, effort, and thought such an obligation entails. It might be that he will want to select a co-sponsor to share the responsibility, or he might feel it necessary to ask another to assume the responsibility for the man he has located.” (A.A. Sponsorship Pamphlet. 1944. Clarence S.)

Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: “I’m jittery and alone. I couldn’t do that.” But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor. (Alcoholics Anonymous.162-163)

Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends — this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. (Alcoholics Anonymous. 89)

Cameron F. Toronto, ON

P.S. How do you work with newcomers? Let us know, we like to hear about your experiences working with newcomers.

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References

Alcoholics Anonymous: the Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism. New York City: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 2001.

S. Clarence. 1944. A.A. Sponsorship Pamphlet. http://silkworth.net/aahistory/aapamplet_clarences.html

Who are the Muckers in A.A. and C.A? http://www.bigbooksponsorship.org/index.cfm?Fuseaction=ArticleDisplay&ArticleID=480

Newcomers, How do you read your Big Book? 2008. http://www.bigbooksponsorship.org/blog/index.cfm/2008/7/8/Newcomers-how-do-you-read-your-Big-Book

P., Wally. Back to Basics?: the Alcoholics Anonymous Beginners’ Meetings?: “Here Are the Steps We Took– ” in Four One-hour Sessions. Tucson, AZ: Faith with Works Pub. Co., 1998. http://www.aabacktobasics.org

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